I usually need to talk with people about my personal issues, but I rarely ask for advice, I'm not really interested on what people think I should do or whatever they think about what I tell them.
Still I'm often looking for someone willing to listen to me, I do it because I need to express it, to let it out because somehow that helps me, when I talk about something, it's like if I wasn't the one talking, but as if I was the one listening, that gives me a different perspective of it. Gives me ideas of what I need to do. At the end is always all aboutme.
I rarely ask or listen to other's advice because of my tendency to underestimate the others. If I look for opinions then those which I carefully will listen to must belong to someone very special to me, special in a certain and particular way, although those ways can be all resumed in respect. If I respect a person, then it means I respect him because I recognize that person as superior to me, either way this superiority is, it means a lot to me, because that leads to me to think that I can learn something from that person, thus I want to listen to what that person has to say. His or her opinion, thoughts become valuable to me. This is something somewhat troublesome because It is not easy to tell to my friends and acquaintances "hey, shut up, just listen to what I have to say, nothing else; for I think you are too dumb to give me any piece of advice".
-Yep, that is usually what I think of most people "shut up, you don't know shit about what you are talking about" That would explain why I get bored of other's company, and eventually this gets tiring, mostly because I tend to yell at people when I consider they are talking shenanigans. That makes me a really annoying girl.-
A friend... or acquaintance of mine, does not believe I'm a bitch. Maybe she is right, on the surface. I always step aside from problems, inconvenient problems. That's why I don't tell what I really think to others, because I know eventually I could need them. Of course I wouldn't admit it to anyone. That's why only my best friend knows it. I think he consider this as in fact, a really sad truth. He's right but it is also a painful truth, that I seem to be unable to socialize because of it. I get bored of people who cannot teach me something valuable, I get frustrated when I'm the only one who has something to teach to others.
I guess that's why I get easily obsessed with the few interesting people I manage to interact with. They are rare, therefore precious in my life. Sadly enough, I'm never able to keep in touch with them. Some time ago I concluded that it was because I'm not a very interesting or intriguing person. That being the most ironic fact about myself.
I wonder, if some day will I bump into a person who qualifies for what I ask. Interesting enough to keep me entertained and interested in me enough to stay by my side, or if I should make my mind to the idea of staying alone in the darkness for being such an arrogant bitch.
Probably I should get a couple of pets.
